Sunday, March 22, 2009

Reams Stuff

The following is a cameo from super awesome blogger Jack Ady, who also happened to be in the Kitchen when I started this post.

There are a few things in the world that will force the soundest minds to snap. For some, it could be migraine headaches. Others may find grinding background noises push them over the brink and into the abyss of insanity.

For me, it's Walmart.

Why you ask? How much space do I have to answer? First, every person in the world wakes up and thinks, hey I bet I could go to Walmart right when (insert your name here) goes and let my kids bite strangers while they're there. The scary truth is that they're right; they'll bite until they break the skin.

Walmart is constantly full. The shelves are dirty and understocked. The checkouts are understaffed with eternally recovering crystal meth addicts who are this-close to learning to read. Still, due to Walmart's ability to crush any other competitor with their evil empire powers, everyone will continue shopping there despite the cheap products, bad service and terrible employee hygiene.

That was why this Saturday was a breath of fresh air. After deciding to cook a meal, I went through the four steps of going to Walmart: denial, shouting, feverish sobbing
and finally a small coma.

This is a young woman shortly after shopping at the Orem Walmart.

But we wanted to buy some steaks for BBQing, since my great wife bought me a meat tenderizer for my birthday last month and I had yet to try it. We Googled Orem looking for a butcher or a special meat shop. We found Reams.

Convinced that we would still need to go to Walmart, we drove to Provo to get our cheap meat at Reams. Upon arriving, I noticed a few things. First, no one bit me the whole time. Not even a nibble. Next, the floor was clean, and although the aisles weren't as wide as Walmart's, they also weren't congested with throngs of people whose greatest strengths are to not notice people trying to get through said aisle.

The meat was half the price of Walmart. The cheese was WAY cheaper. We waited 17 seconds in line. And just as we were leaving satisfied and happy, there they were: jumbo-wide red vines. Walmart stopped selling them when they realized that everyone likes them better, and to avoid customer satisfaction had them completely done away with.

The moral of the story is two part: a) Reams is a terrific alternative for meats, poultry, produce and Red Vines, and b) I hate Walmart and you should too.


julie said...

I loved this blog entry, it had me rolling on the floor (not quite the floor, but none the less, I was laughing out loud and that is something for me!!!!!) I have to say, Jack, you are right about alot of the Walmart things that you said...although, I have never been chewed on, nibbled on or bitten, by any child-young or old, at our Walmart. Maybe you have just been shopping at the wrong Walmart store. BUT...I am all about "cheap" groceries, so if I can get it cheaper somewhere else, I WILL DO IT!!! Thanks for the entry, I loved it!!!!

Megan said...

Haha I am definitely a Wal-Mart hater! Glad to see someone else agrees. Ben and I have decided it is bad for our marriage to go there because we always end up fighting over something as we leave. Now on the rare occasions we go there, we always say... okay we are probably going to get pushed aside by angry customes, lost, yelled at, or will end up sitting in line for three hours so lets agree to not get angry at each other over it. Ugh I hate that store. AND they are building another dumb one in Logan!

Kristin said...

I would die without WalMart. Where else can I get everything I need and don't need all at the same time?

Have you guys tried Buy Low? It's over where the old Reams in Provo used to be (previously Food 4 Less), by Movies 8. They have awesome produce for really cheap and their meat is usually low too. I think there are specific days of the week that have the lowest prices, but I just wait for my mom to tell me when to go :).

Eric and Caralee said...

Awesome post!! Jack completely echoed all my sentiments about Wal-mart. I feel awesome that in the past 2 1/2 years I've only entered Wal-mart about 5 times! Now to shrink that to 0 :)