Friday, January 30, 2009

Experience Stuff

I'm not the best at keeping a journal. Luckily I'm not too shabby at blogging so I'll have some type of history for my family to see. I've been thinking a lot about an experience we had a year ago. I realized I never wrote it down and wanted some sort of documentation that I could draw upon later. I figured I might as well let you guys in on the story as well. Remember I'm all about helping other people through my own experiences?

One year ago Jack and I heard about a little girl who needed a family. Her mom had abandoned her and left her with the grandma who was struggling with her health. The baby was being raised for the most part by the mom's 16 year old sister. The grandma had expressed an interest in letting someone adopt this baby. When I heard about it I was completely convinced that I was meant to be this baby's mom. I started doing all the things they tell you not to do-looking at baby items, imagining her life with us, planning our future. I had just quit my job at Express Title so I had oodles of time on my hands to imagine such a life.

Jack, on the other hand, was harder to convince. He wasn't sure if he was emotionally ready to give up on having a biological baby. He didn't think we were financially stable eneough to pursue an adoption. And he wasn't sure what his feelings were on adoption at the time.

I remember one particular afternoon I was driving home from a job interview and I was feeling significantly low. I had been stressing so much about this baby and I had no idea what we were supposed to do. I decided to drive around for a bit and ended up at the temple. I spent the next hour sobbing and begging my Heavenly Father to tell me what to do. He knew I wanted a baby, and even more importantly I knew He wanted me to have a baby. I left the temple feeling completely drained and still as confused as ever.

I don't ever remember feeling like I got an answer to my prayer. At least in the way I expected it to come. Jack's Dad told him at one point that it wouldn't hurt to check it out. We'd never know if this was what we were supposed to do if we didn't get the facts. So that's what we decided to do.

Obviously it didn't work out- which is why we are still childless. I arranged a time to meet with the family. My Dad came with me and we talked to the grandma. She informed us that she no longer wanted to give the baby up and was no longer interested. It was one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life. I sobbed the entire way home and I felt so empty.

Looking back I can see how much we've grown from the experience. I know there was a reason that we went through what we did. I know that my Heavenly Father answers prayers and he answered my prayer that day by taking away a little girl who I had already grown to love. And I know when the time is right I'll get the baby who is meant to complete our family.

What we're up to stuff....

So we're reaching the bright light at the end of an incredibly dark tunnel. The past 2 weeks have been awful. Full of "poor me" moments and lots of stress. But we're done and we made it. (At least I hope it's done) Now our lives have changed a little so here's an update on what's happening in our neck of the woods.

1- Jack got a new job working for a call center in Lindon- Teleperformance. He'll be working in the Verizon customer service section. We're hoping he'll be able to switch to the Dell section during the summer (they make more money) but for now this is a GOOD switch.

2- Jack is not going to school this semester. They had a mess up with some paperwork at the school which in turn messed up his financial aid and we couldn't afford to pay for school without fin. aid. So he's taking a semester off. Which again (after some incredibly upset days) is a GOOD thing. It will give him time to devote to work. I'll enjoy having him less stressed and I won't have to worry about reminding him to do his homework. He'll start back up in the fall and things will continue on as normal.

3- We have 2 working cars again! After sitting in a warm garage for a couple days our sentra started right up with no problems. It's been a couple days and still no problems so hopefully it stays that way! So again, this is a GOOD thing.

4- Jack's sister Meri moved in with us a few weeks ago. Long story short, she needed a place to stay and we have an extra bedroom. Luckily I love her like a sister so this is a GOOD thing. She buys some groceries and pays some rent so things are working out just fine.

5- I still have a job! Which is a GOOD thing! My new boss said if I wanted to stay they would like to keep me. (cuz I'm the most awsome secretary ever to be invented). So I have a job for a while longer.

See, GOOD things do happen to me. I'm not all about being depressed.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Long time ago stuff

January is almost over, which means more and more people are piping up to say they are all of 32 seconds pregnant. I hate the Happy Valley baby booms.

On December 11th 2005 I popped my last birth control pill. Jack and I had been married a whopping 2 months and I figured we were both "ready" and "mature enough" to be parents. I wanted a baby so bad. Jack was going to be such a good Dad. We were living in Ephraim at the time. In a 2 bedroom apartment that we paid a whopping $385 dollars a month (that seems so cheap to me). I was working for my Dad from home, Jack was going to school full time. I thought it was perfect timing. On December 12th I was sure I was pregnant. Because that's how it works right? Actually I've been pretty sure I was pregnant everyday for the past 3 years. Everytime I felt sick or my stomach twitched I was sure I should start buying baby stuff.

3 years later it's still just me and Jack.

We've been to the dr.'s, started fertility drugs, tried all sorts of home remedies, researched everything from vitamins to the best adoption agencies. It still makes me sad when I see people getting pregnant and having babies.

I want to be a mommy.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Monday Stuff

Life has crappy timing.

Husband just started a new job today that requires he work until 12:30am for the next 5 weeks.

Went to start my car this morning before work, only to find that BOTH of my car's wouldn't start.

Cost me 70 bucks to get a new battery in my Camry. Can't afford to fix sentra right now.

Found out my company has been sold. Not sure how long I'll have a job.

And it's only Monday.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Craft Day Stuff

There's something about girl time that rejuvinates the soul. It feels so great to send the boys off for "man time" and spend the day in your pajamas with the girls you love; laughing, talking, eating, crafting. It's blissful.

That's what we did last weekend. We sent the boys to Salt Lake to watch a Jazz game and the girls gathered at my moms house for Craft Day. We started sanding wood at 10 am that morning and didn't finish our crafts until after 10 at night. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Each of the girls game up with a craft to do and then we got all the supplies for "our" craft. We made scrapbooked wood blocks, aprons, mail pails, coasters, princess cutouts and boxes, The kitchen was a mess. But it was totally worth it.
I haven't had that much fun or laughed that hard in the longest time. Sometimes you just need to kick back with your girls.