Christmas Day Stuff

Christmas Day starts early around here. No matter how hard I try to sleep in I am always up and at it before I should be! This year I woke up at 6:30 and couldn't go back to sleep for the life of me (THAT IS EARLY PEOPLE) so I got up and showered and got ready for the day. If I didn't I would not be posting any pictures of me on Christmas!

Jack waited patiently and we finally got to opening presents about 7:30. This year we started (what I hope to be a continuing tradition) filling each other stockings with "coupons". I got some fabulous coupons for girls day with my mom, a clean house, a night off and 5 free hugs (inside joke.... modern family?) I love that we had to put thought into our stocking stuffers and spent absolutely nothing on them.

Jack got spoiled and received everything he needs to BBQ- which is really a present for me because it means I don't have to cook! He got a "Man"pron (apron), charcoal, lighter fluid, a cook book, utensils and a stove top grill. He also came away with some movies, calvin and hobbes books, hoodie, mic for his computer and headphones.

I got spoiled as well. I got an adorable apron from my mommers. She's so crafty, TV trays, movies, scrapbook stuff, an embossing tool, a robe, scarfs and boots. We had so much fun opening presents. Thanks everyone for spoiling us. We love you!

After opening presents the Wilkerson's always have a huge Christmas breakfast. It's one of my favorite traditions so we do it at our house too. We have Pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream, eggs, hash browns, sausage, bacon and orange juice. SO amazing. I love it.

We lazed around the rest of the day- i slept and jack played with all his toys. We watched movies and lounged. Christmas night I always make a huge Christmas dinner. I make Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, Rolls, Cranberry Sauce Stuffing, Corn and Yams. We topped it off with a homemade baked cheesecake with a raspberry sauce. Oh. My. Gosh. Everything was so amazing. I love Christmas Dinner. I made enough so we could have leftovers for days. And that is all we've eaten since Friday. Mmmm.... love it!

After we stuffed ourselves to brink capacity we snuggled on the couch and watched Fringe (one of our new fave shows) and fell asleep exhausted. Hope your Christmas was as wonderful as ours!

Christmas Eve Stuff

Some people think we are crazy for staying in Orem with just the two of us for Christmas. We LOVE it. It's so fun to be able to create your own traditions, sleep in your own bed, do whatever we want and not have to worry about driving in the snow. We still miss our families at Christmas time but we do love having our own celebrations.

Every Christmas Eve we make a feast of junk food. Nacho's and guacamole, chips and chili and cream cheese dip, bbq chicken wings and koolaid. We whip everything up and then snuggle on the couch and watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. So much fun.

After we have gorged ourselves with delicious food and laughed till our sides hurt we open our presents from Bernard. Every year he leaves us Christmas jammies that we get to open.

This year we got matching PJ's which I love. They are soft and ever so comfy.

After we open our PJ's we read the Christmas story from the scriptures and

then take turns filling stockings and stuffing presents under the tree.

It was an absolutely perfect Christmas Eve.

Bernard Stuff

I couldn't catch up on Christmas without giving a shout out to our "Brownie" Bernard.

Santa drops Bernard off every Thanksgiving. He is sent here to make sure we are being good and helping each other. This year Bernard left us lots of chocolate and about every other day he'd drop off some cute gift with a cheesy saying or poem. He's so crafty.

We love having him visit our home every year and can't wait till we have

some kiddo's who will enjoy him just as much.

Lights Stuff

This year we talked about going to Temple Square all winter long. Christmas was almost here and I was so sad we hadn't been. So on the day before Christmas Eve we decided to make the trek. We drove to Sandy and rode the tracks so we could avoid parking. It was so much fun.

Absolutely perfect. It was snowing and freezing and the lights were beautiful. We took our time and listened to the choirs singing, watched a little of the nativity and walked around holding hands. I love going with a big group but it was fun going with just the two of us.

I love visiting temple square- it's so fun going back to where we began 4 years ago.

Decoration stuff

I have not blogged in so long! I really do love blogging and I love reading every one's blogs. So this is one of my New Year goals. Hopefully you'll see a little more of me on here. First I need to get caught up on our Christmas this year.

My mom goes all out for Christmas. It's the biggest holiday at our house and we celebrate it forever! She always decorates the ENTIRE house. I think she had 4 Christmas trees this year and there is garland and bows in every corner. I LOVE IT! I'm so happy she passed on that trait. I love decorating for Christmas. It's my favorite.

Here's our front door. This year I made my own wreath. I thought it turned out classy and perfect for what I wanted. I got the wreath at savers and just tore everything off it

and found these cute ornaments that just clip on. Fabulous.

Then you walk in and see our Christmas tree. I loved our tree this year. We always get a real one and this year was no exception. It keeps my house smelling like Christmas all month long.

I love it.

Last year my grandma gave me the Willow Tree Nativity. It's one of my favorite pieces to pull out. I just love the simple classic look that adds so much to our Christmas spirit.

This was my first nativity that my mom gave me when I got married. I absolutely love it. We had it in our home growing up and I love having it in my home now.

So there you have it. Those are my Christmas decorations. Of course there is garland and bows all around the room and stuck in every corner. But I'll spare you those pics. Lucky!

Holly Fair Stuff

A few months ago I convinced my mom to do the Holly Fair with me this year.

We're down to the wire- we only have a few days until the fair. This is what I've been spending every spare second of every day doing.

Come see us November 13-14th at the UBTA building in Roosevelt. Doors open at 10am on November 13th. We would LOVE to see you there!

Halloween Stuff

This year we decided to go back to Duchesne for Halloween. My brother Todd and his wife Dana were having a party and we wanted to see my family. I dressed up like a Queen Bee and Jack dressed up like Charlie Kelley from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. (We have a crude sense of humor. Which makes it okay for us to watch that show. But please

do not watch it and be offended that I suggested it.....)

We had so much fun! Usually we spend our Halloween in our PJ's ignoring the trick or treaters so it was nice to get out and do something.

Changing Stuff

It's officially Fall.

The leaves are red.

There's a cold nip in the air.

And change is everywhere.

It's so refreshing to know that change is constant.

Life decided to throw some big changes at me lately. I was released from my calling as the Sunbeam teacher in our primary and called to serve as the Young Women Secretary. If that's not change I don't know what is. I've only served in the primary before so having a calling like this is a huge adjustment. I spent a good chunk of my time working on young women's stuff or thinking about how I should be working on young women's stuff (usually the latter). I absolutely love it though. The girls in our ward are amazing and I feel so blessed to have them!

I quit my job at Doug Smith Autoplex back in July. Being a stay at home wife was SO great. Seriously. My house was clean. There was food on the table. I was able to accomplish so many errands during the day. And I still managed to have time to kick back and relax. I loved it. Then life took a curve ball and I had to go back to work. After many weeks of searching I was able to score a job at an Elementary school right by my house. It is- hands down- the best job. I absolutely love it. I'm able to work part time and still make good money. I feel like it is a tender mercy from my Heavenly Father. I'm finally able to work at a job that I can enjoy.

Jack's life hasn't taken much change lately. But he WANTS it to change. So that's pretty much the same right? Although he is writing a sweet NBA blog that is so clever and amazing that you all should check out. jacksfakemail.blogspot.com and feel free to click on the ads. That's how we pay our bills these days.

Change is constant.

Nothing stays the same.

And I am so thankful for that.

Anniversary Stuff

This year Jack and I celebrated our 4th Anniversary. That seems like forever. I'm always in charge of planning our anniversary celebration and this year we chose to stay in Orem. We went to dinner at our VERY favorite steak house Ruby River for dinner. It's so delicious. I look forward to special occasions so we have a reason to splurge. After dinner we went to the Hale Centre Theater and watched Little Shop of Horrors. It was so much fun. What a great way to celebrate.

I'm so very grateful to have Jack. I can't think of another person I'd rather spend the rest of eternity with. He's the one I want to tell my stories to. He's the one I want to hold me when I cry. He's the one I want to see every morning when I wake up and the one I want to tuck me in when I fall asleep. He's my everything and I can't imagine my life without him. Happy Anniversary babe. 4 down forever to go.

True Love Stuff

This is Jack writing a secret blog posting that Dayna does not know about. Husbands take note: wives love it when you sneak behind their backs. They just eat it up.

Today is our fourth wedding Anniversary. It really does not seem like a long time. Probably because time flies when we're together. Also because at our age, Dayna and I spend most of our time either sleeping in rocking chairs or complaining about young people; with their compact disc players and fancy spiked hair.

I just wanted to let all of you out there in the blogosphere know what an incredible person I snagged four years ago. She's talented in the kitchen, the craftroom, the classroom and the bedroom. She's funny as crap, she's passionate and very compassionate. She's virtuous and is constantly striving to become a better person.

Dayna is the person we would all want in a spouse, a friend or a mother. She is all I have ever wanted, and although I make the widow and her mite look arrogant with my poorness, I never feel like I go without.

I love you more than Star Wars, LeBron James and Bacon, hun. I love you more than anything.

Now that's impressive.

Labor Day Stuff

On Labor Day we met up with our friends David, Kristin and Baylie for lunch at a local Chinese restaurant. This little one kept us entertained the whole time. She's such a doll and I just love her! (we love you too David and Kristin).

Labor day night Sam and Tiffany came over to play cards. I am addicted to cards these days. There aren't many games you can play with just two people so I only get to play when I convince Jack to invite friends over. We filled up on chips and dip and koolaid and then once the fun was over and everyone left Jack threw up all over in my kitchen garbage. Gross! So I spent the next few days taking care of my sick hubby.

I know your jealous of my super fun life! =)

I am so blessed to have friends and family that live so close.

Bridal Veils Stuff

A few weeks ago Jack and I decided to take advantage of an afternoon off work and enjoy some outdoors. We packed a lunch and headed up to Bridal Veil Falls up Provo Canyon.

I'm so grateful that fall is finally here. The changing leaves and nip in the air reminds me that no matter what-things do change. Change is constant. I need that.

Our Baby Stuff

There's been a lot of stress, worry and pain for us in the past few months. Even though the end result wasn't what we always thought it would be, it doesn't change the fact that we spent the last nine months loving Charlie. I didn't keep a very good journal through this all and there are a few moments I want to remember.

Right after we found out we were going to be parents I went shopping and bought my mom her first Grandma item. She was so excited. She kept it by the computer for a long time and every time we visited I was reminded how excited she was for this little boy. She's going to be such a great grandma one day.

Jack and I were SO excited to find out the gender of the baby. We were both sure it was a boy. It always felt like a boy. We were able to be there for the first ultra sound. Afterwards we went straight to Burlington Coat Factory (my favorite baby section out of any store) and looked at all their adorable boy stuff. We were so excited to dress him in little suits. Those were always our favorite.

The first week of July I finally convinced Jack to help me set up the nursery. I had labored many hours planning, sewing, painting and getting everything ready. The room turned out amazing. I was so happy with the end result. As soon as everything was set up it started smelling like baby. To this day I still keep the door shut so the smell stays the same.

It was important to me that we bring our baby home in a blanket that we picked out together and that I sewed. I wanted the first memories we had of him to be surrounded by items directly from us. Sometimes I would go into his room and hold his blankets like little babies and imagine what he would look like and smell like.

All the Aunts on my mom's side of the family got together and threw me a baby shower. It was amazing. I received everything one could ever need to make mommy and baby BOTH happy. Every one of them were so supportive of our situation. I appreciated everything they did so much. Thanks you guys!

Most of all I want to remember how happy we were. Everything about becoming parents was exciting to us. Seeing a baby at church or in the mall would make us both giddy with anticipation. We had so much fun picking out names, decorating, getting ready and planning our forever family. I don't ever want to forget the little boy who holds our hearts forever.

Charlie Stuff

Today we should have brought our baby home. We should be exhausted. We should be covered in spit up. We should have changed a record breaking amount of diapers. I should have worried that I wasn't being a good enough mom.

Instead we stayed in bed as long as we could. I wore my pajamas all day and didn't put on any makeup. I sat on the couch and watched TV while Jack played video games. Jack and I sat on our bed and talked and laughed until I remembered I shouldn't be happy and broke down in sobs. Today I wondered if I would ever be a mom.

Last Tuesday we got a call. We were supposed to meet our birthmom and her counselor in American Fork. It was August 18th. The due date of our baby. I figured they wanted to meet to go over any last minute questions and make sure we were all on the same page. Jack and I sat in a room with our birthmom and her mom. We sat 1 foot away from her as she told us she changed her mind, she was keeping our baby.

Our baby had a name. Our baby had a nursery. He had a closet full of clothes/toys/diapers/etc. He had extended family who were all SO excited to meet him. He had a future. A future we had spent the last nine months planning. He was going to be happy. We were all going to be happy.

The counselor asked Jack and I if we had anything we wanted to say or talk about. We didn't say much, and the counselor tried to fill in the silence by offering us a sales pitch for her adoption agency service. Jack told her it was too soon, and that we didn't want another baby; we had one with a name, a room and loving parents, and another one wouldn't have been ours.

We left the room after that and broke down. We left one of our cars in American Fork and drove together. We drove to a park we had never been to in Orem and sobbed under a street lamp. We stayed there for hours, talking about how we felt and crying. Our insides ached and they still do.

We've talked a lot since, but the ache seems to linger. It's not something that most people can understand or explain-- to be on the precipice of escaping infertility's clutches, only to be sucked back to the very bottom based on decisions that were never in your control.

Jack and I have learned that things don't always happen for a reason. A lot of people believe that: we don't. Sometimes things happen not because it's God's plan, but because God's plan allows people to make choices for themselves. Choices that have a lasting effect and can ruin people's lives.

We don't know the long lasting effects of this experience. We don't know if we'll be wiser, bitter, shut off or more open, but the pain and suffering are very real and we can't imagine it ever being gone.

We feel like our baby has died. The child in our hearts no longer exists. We are in mourning. We have constant reminders all over our house of a life that was denied us. We cry over memories that don't exist because we never had the chance to make them. But they are real. Our baby was real. Our pain is real.

Despite this pain we're experiencing we feel so very blessed to have such loving friends and family. We've received emails, facebook comments, phone calls and gifts from people who love us. It means more than we can say to know that we are loved and cared for and this is not a burden we have to carry ourselves. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts.

Pizzario Stuff

I'm LOVING the retired life. Some days I wonder how I ever managed to cook and clean and work a full time job. That's hard stuff. I love getting everything done by the time Jack gets home so we can relax and have fun together at night. We've been using our imagination to think of fun things to do together and not break the bank.

Last week we had a "Pizzario Party" Homemade Pizza's and a game of Mario Party on the Wii. Fun!

Echo Lake Stuff

Jack and I need a vacation about once a week. I can't even tell you how many times I plan elaborate get aways in my head only to have the real world crush them to smithereens. As a result we usually get one good vacation a year. (we totally deserve more) This year we jumped on the bandwagon and headed to Echo Lake, Montana to spend the week at the Ady Grandparents cabin. Jack was more excited for this trip than he is for Christmas. He spent many a summers lazing around on this lake and enjoying family fun. It had been 8 long years since he was able to go back and he definitely thought it was time.

We started our trip off at 5pm on Tuesday. We prefer to drive all night. And drive all night we did. After a quick stop for a few Zzz's we arrived at the cabin around 6am Wednesday morning. We woke up everyone and made them welcome us. Grandma fussed over us like only a grandma can. Trying to situate us on her nice couches and covering us with blankets and pillows. I love having someone look after me. We were too excited to sleep so Jack took me on a tour of the grounds. After and early breakfast we all changed into our swimsuits and headed for the lake. This would be the ritual for the next 4 days.

We spent most of our time tubing, skiing, surfing, swimming and just leisurely riding on the boat. We had SO much fun. We got to see Jack's cousins and aunt and uncle whom we haven't seen since our wedding and catch up with them. It was nice to be on vacation surrounded by family.

Jacks way braver than me when it comes to water sports. I like to stick to what I know and only went tubing but Jack got up on the surf board and went skiing a bunch of times. Maybe next year I'll be brave.

Sam tried out the parasail that Uncle John brought. Basically you tie yourself up to the boat, the boat guns it, you run, and pray the wind catches the parachute and you end up in the air instead of face planting it in the water. I'm not sure which would be worse though. It sounded fun in theory but once we saw how high Sam got up we weren't sure we were up for that. Unfortunately the parachute ripped after Sam went so Jack and I didn't even have the opportunity to chicken out.

We spent our nights playing cards and games and just visiting with family. I rock my socks off at Rook by the way. Especially when Doug and I are on a team and Grandma sits over my shoulder and tells me what to play. Best. Rook. Player. Ever.

The week went by way too fast. Now we are back to real life and counting down the days till we can go back next year. Farewell Vacation. See you soon!

Room Stuff

I've been so excited to decorate Charlie's room. Ever since we found out we were getting a boy I've been planning and sewing and looking for good deals everywhere. I finally finished the final product a few weeks ago and I am beyond excited about it. It turned out exactly the way I wanted. Now we just need our little munchkin to come use it!

I also need to send out a huge thanks to my mom who helped

with all the sewing and planning. And Jack for being such a great guy and helping set everything up.