Sunday, August 23, 2009

Our Baby Stuff

There's been a lot of stress, worry and pain for us in the past few months. Even though the end result wasn't what we always thought it would be, it doesn't change the fact that we spent the last nine months loving Charlie. I didn't keep a very good journal through this all and there are a few moments I want to remember.

Right after we found out we were going to be parents I went shopping and bought my mom her first Grandma item. She was so excited. She kept it by the computer for a long time and every time we visited I was reminded how excited she was for this little boy. She's going to be such a great grandma one day.

Jack and I were SO excited to find out the gender of the baby. We were both sure it was a boy. It always felt like a boy. We were able to be there for the first ultra sound. Afterwards we went straight to Burlington Coat Factory (my favorite baby section out of any store) and looked at all their adorable boy stuff. We were so excited to dress him in little suits. Those were always our favorite.

The first week of July I finally convinced Jack to help me set up the nursery. I had labored many hours planning, sewing, painting and getting everything ready. The room turned out amazing. I was so happy with the end result. As soon as everything was set up it started smelling like baby. To this day I still keep the door shut so the smell stays the same.

It was important to me that we bring our baby home in a blanket that we picked out together and that I sewed. I wanted the first memories we had of him to be surrounded by items directly from us. Sometimes I would go into his room and hold his blankets like little babies and imagine what he would look like and smell like.

All the Aunts on my mom's side of the family got together and threw me a baby shower. It was amazing. I received everything one could ever need to make mommy and baby BOTH happy. Every one of them were so supportive of our situation. I appreciated everything they did so much. Thanks you guys!

Most of all I want to remember how happy we were. Everything about becoming parents was exciting to us. Seeing a baby at church or in the mall would make us both giddy with anticipation. We had so much fun picking out names, decorating, getting ready and planning our forever family. I don't ever want to forget the little boy who holds our hearts forever.


Kristin said...

I've been thinking about you non-stop. I'm glad you're finally able to write and share some of what you're going through. Don't give up. You may still find that you play an important and vital role in Charlie's life, even though that will be hard for both of you. I agree that it's not always God's will but sometimes the freeagency of another person that causes us pain.

I'm here if you want to come and just sit or talk or whatever. (I vote for you not getting a job and just staying home and hanging out with me.)

Carrie said...

When I saw you at Charlotte Russe I wanted to give you a big hug, but I know how tender emotions can be during tough times and I didn't want to cause a scene in the middle of the mall and have us all crying! Thanks for letting me read your blog...I know it's way personal, but I think it's good to let people in sometimes. :)

Christie said...

My heart has ached for you and Im glad that you have such a great family...
You will be parents one day I just know it!!
Hang in there, =)

Josh and Kandice said...

Hi, I'm Kandice and I clicked on your blog from Kenna's. I'm so sorry you have had to go through such a hard experience, it's not fair. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for over 5 years now. We definitley want to adopt but I'm so scared of having a heart wrenching experience like you guys have had. My heart goes out to you guys and hope your okay. BTW, his nursery is adorable, you did such a great job.

Keri Larson said...

Dayna I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I seriously think about you all the time and hope that you will get your baby soon. I know you are going to be the best mom when it finally happens for you guys. You are so amazingly tough, and I hope that you are doing okay.